It’s time for some more obviousness, I hope. We all know that social media can help connect you with people all over the world. We’ve been railing about it for years, whether it’s Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Youtube. But we also all know that describing the people we’re connected to on Facebook as “Friends” is possibly the grossest abuse of the word. the connections made over this systems aren’t the strong kind that are forged in the fire of battle, the bloody brother-and sisterhoods brought about by shared struggles and a love for Star Trek, but rather the bonds of those people that you met that one time who seemed cool but probably wouldn’t help you move. I have good news. It is within your power to transform the second into the first, like some kind of relationship alchemist. Instead of purging the lead from your connections every six months, transform a portion of it into gold. There’s a lot of steps to this process, more than I can list conveniently in a blog post, but I’ll hum the first few bars, and you can play along in the comments with your own ideas. There’s a time management aspect to it, too. There’s only so many people we can meet and have in our lives like that, but that doesn’t mean we can’t always be making an effort to have stronger relationships. I try to meet one new person a week, and I’ve been pretty good at it for the last few years. Some of us are still just acquaintances, some of us are staunch friends, but all of us are more than a profile picture to each other, and to me, that counts for a lot. How is this dark magic worked?
1. Say Hello
Yep. That’s how it starts. Get a friend request on Facebook? How about one of those LinkedIn requests that just says “I’d like to add you to my professional network” (I’ll be honest, I usually ignore those if they’re from people I’ve never met. If they can’t bother to say hello, I don’t know what kind of connection we’ll have. It’s a pet peeve). Sometimes I’ll even direct message new Twitter followers (personally, not automatically), and say hi. Someone has to take the step, and you can’t wait around for the other person to do it. You’re not doing it cold. You have a connection with them. Maybe they’re interested in your work, maybe you met them at the playground when your kids were playing together, or maybe you have a shared (and secret) love for moose photography. Find the thing you have in common with them. It’ll provoke some real human interaction, rather than just reading each other’s posts.
This is not a networking guide. Don’t say hello when you think you have a thing they can help you with, if at all possible. Say hello way before that. Recognize their value as a person, not a commodity. That’s turning lead into iron, a metal that works. You’re shooting for gold, because it never tarnishes. If I do have some kind of ulterior motive (and sometimes I do, because sometimes I just meet the right person at the right time), I try to be as up front about it as possible, but to make it clear that I’m not just saying hello because of that. There’s an art to it, one that, honestly, I haven’t quite mastered. More to come on that.
2. Meet in Person
But you already knew so say “Hi”. That’s basic. So is this. Get together. In each other’s grills, even. I like to meet people for lunch or dinner, because I like food and people, and it’s usually really relaxed. But whatever floats your boat. You cannot beat meeting in person and actually talking. No amount of online chatting can replace it. There are all kinds of things we never talk about. How we smell, how we manage space, what we do with our fingers when we’re talking, these help you get a sense of them and how you want to relate to them. Sometimes you live too far apart, but Skype or Google Hangouts are great for that. Meeting people in far off places also gives me awesome reasons to go to those places. Then when an opportunity comes up, I go, or stop by if I’m in the neighbourhood. But seriously, nothing beats face time. That’s what makes the difference between most of your Facebook Friends and your real friends anyway.
3. Follow Up
After you meet with them, keep up the conversation. Maybe you meet again, go to the same club, chat once in a while, or go back to commenting on each other’s posts. But stay connected. This, of course, is the really tough part. How do you stay connected with people? Well, social media is really good for that. It’s going to let you know about things that are going on in each other’s lives without you having to do anything extra. That’s going to show you opportunities to help them out, and to get connected. Also, by the end of lunch, you’ll have a pretty good idea whether you want to stay in touch in that way or not. It’s like a first date, only there’s less anxiety (for some).
Sometimes people will say no. Maybe they met you, but they don’t want to meet or chat, usually they’ll brush it off or ignore the message. It’s a kind of rejection. I wish I could say I’m one of those people who lets it all roll off, but I’m only that person sometimes. But there’s always more people in this world who are interested in meeting you, and it’s never been easier to find them than now. If you want those Facebook friends and LinkedIn connections to become the kinds of friends you can rely on in a pinch, it’s simple. I won’t say easy. Being friends is rarely always easy. Leave a comment with a story of how some of your lead relationships became gold, or throw me a tweet and say hi!
